The Joys of Demonic Science!
by Exturiel
Summary: Wild Arms/Ranma crossover. Yah crappy title, I'm tired. Alhazad survives his final fight and ditches to another dimension. Naturally, like everyone else, he eventually just happens to cross paths with Ranma.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer!

I own everything! Here and everywhere! Including you! Into perpetuity forever and ever!  
And all adjacent analogue parallel dimensions!

Ok, I'm kidding, I don't own Wild Arms or Ranma, and I'm broke, so don't sue my ass.

The air however does belong to me, so if you sue me, I'ma charge you retroactively for  
breathing MY air! Retroactive by the last thousand years, including all direct ancestors. Znert!

* * *

About the Story:  
I get lots of ideas for scenes I can't think of how to join.  
This story has no real plot, really won't be goin anywhere in particular, and may end  
at anytime.  
Just felt like writing something, I love Wild Arms and there aren't many  
Wild Arms/Ranma crossovers (I've only seen two or three before).

If anyone wants to take this particular idea and make a story with a plot, go nuts.  
Just lemme know so I can read it too!

* * *

Good evening. I'm Alistair Cooke. Tonight, Masterpiece Theatre presents... wait... wrong channel.

*krsshk*

The battle was over and the Wanderers had moved on further into Ka Dingel, assuming he was dead.  
Well you know what they say about the word assume, "it make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'".  
Still, mistaking him for dead was the kind of mistake he could definitely get behind.  
He wasn't planning on wasting or correcting them on it by showing up again and assaulting them further.

The shadow copy of him they had fought had all his abilities and they'd stomped it into the floor.  
Challenging opponents that could kill you was more Boomerang or Berserk's mental malfunction.  
They were warriors, muscleheads, with all the posturing and deficiencies thereof.  
He was a scientist! A magician! It just behooved him not to be stupid like that.

Still it was his mission to stop them. With his failure he couldn't exactly show his face,  
or Zeikfried might just express some displeasure in ways that would be detrimental to his health.  
A healthy Alhazad was a happy Alhazad. And Alhazad likes being happy.

Of course that was in the instance Zeikfried didn't get himself offed. That outcome was up in  
the air as far as he could see. Should old Zeik win and his plan come to fruition, all the lovely  
human test subjects he had access to in this world would be dust in the wind. Not something he was  
eager to see happen, but Zeik had a very large spear as his argument for human erradication. Yeah.  
While he could experiment on demons just as easily, humans provided wonderful contrasting data  
of another intelligent species to play with.

The other possible outcome, Zeik gets boned like Bubba's new cellmate on prison prom night.  
While less dangerous, it left the Wanderers that had beaten his clone out and about. That was bad.  
He had to continue his experiments, it was his passion, his reason. That would start rumors.  
Rumors were also bad. Worse a single sighting of himself would spread and bring them Wanderers out  
gunning for him again. And again. And sooner or later they'd wise up to the clone bit.  
That was bad too!

The best outcome would be if both sides killed each other off, with 'I'm taking you with me's and  
'we'll die to protect's abounding. Also a possibility. A happy one for him, but the numbers said that  
was only a 33% chance. He wasn't a gambler. Worse, the Wandering irritants had allies. Even if they  
died, and he continued his experiments, the allies would find out and send attacks his way.  
Averages said sooner or later, after a massive waste of attacking guinea pigs, they'd find others  
who would be able to kill him too and he'd be back to the point of if this group had survived.

While that was true of anywhere, those allies being in place and well protected, would move up the  
usual timetable of such things, to where it was more than inconvenience. Setting up and moving labs was  
necessary but a pain, and they had to last long enough to be worth the time spent bothering. Having his  
experiments interrupted too soon by plucky 'heroes' was not worth the time investment.

So, if the current locale was more trouble then it was worth, that left finding somewhere completely  
new. The best option was dimensional travel. He knew it was possible since the Elw had disappeared  
1000 years ago. While initially a difficult prospect when he first learned of it, he didn't waste most  
of HIS time hugging trees, nor was he impeded by those pesky morals. His research proceeded at a markedly  
faster rate. Add in the Elw left artifacts littered all over the world, the Elw Teleportation Pyramids,  
not to mention that WORKING Elw dimensional transporter he found and studied in a forest.

Neither was he into big and showy. He didn't need stone pyramids with water falls and scenic backdrops.  
As long as it worked who cared how it looked? His was handheld, you hooked it to a simple wire ring as  
a focus, made sure it was big enough to fit through, and viola! Instant portal! Of course, his "hands"  
were like 2 feet wide, but that was one of them annoying "detail" thingies.

And it wasn't to say he hadn't once built a stationary model, but then those weird humans that called  
themselves 'SG-13' came through it, babbling something about a 'stargate'. Can we say security risk?  
With his robe, they'd mistaken him as some sort of priest, and as he hadn't needed new test subjects at  
the time, he'd played along and let them go.

He'd happily sent them on their way with a "holy book" of something or other as a cultural exchange,  
then quickly dismantled the thing to keep any other uninvited guests from showing up. The prank in the  
whole thing was, if they translated it, they'd actually find it to be one of his old experiments, a recipe  
for a gelatinous life form with just enough sentience to scream when you ate it. It tasted like butterscotch!  
What could he say? He'd been bored as hell and smoking lab samples when he'd thought that one up.

But that was the past, this hand held version was the future! Naturally the others didn't know about  
this particular toy. It was his baby, and he wasnae sharing!

Decision made, he teleported to his secret lab. Not the secret lab his comrades new of. No this was  
his most secure lab, no one knew of it, save him. Several things in here would have every one of his  
colleagues alternately drooling at the possibilities, and/or trying to execute him. The dimensional  
transporter being only one. Notes and spells, mutagenic compounds, information he was supposed to divulge  
but hadn't, plans to remove the other Quarter Knights, backups of their neural maps, and other such fun  
things they'd kill him for even thinking much less having.

Thankfully most of what he wanted was backed up on a database, he was packing light. The self destruct  
would take care of most of the notes and experiments, and without his transporter, they'd never find him,  
even if they found the lab. That was if anyone survived to care, and even that only IF they figured out  
he wasn't doing his best impersonation of fertilizer.

And with that, Alhazad, now Ex-Quarter Knight, activated his dimensional transporter system, and set  
forth on his new journey. His continuing mission, to seek out strange new dimensions. To seek out new  
test subjects and new information. To boldly go where no moral researcher would go before!

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

A cute, busty, red head eyed her opponent, missing nothing, ready to attack at a moments notice.  
Bystanders could almost swear to hearing the soft haunting theme to The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly  
playing in the background.

This was Ranma Saotome, heir to the Saotome school of Anything Goes martial arts, a very manly man,  
cursed to be a girl with cold water. When it came to the art, he was the best. Ranma Saotome didn't  
lose. He had defeated Herb, prince of the Musk dynasty. He had killed Saffron (temporarily), god of  
the phoenix tribe. If Cologne pissed him off enough, he might try for a Jusenkyo trifecta of defeated  
opponents. Though to be honest, it wasn't a fight he'd look forward to.

Thankfully, that seemed to be a very small possibility. The Amazons as a whole had decided to  
back the hell off after the whole Saffron thing, Shampoo and the failed wedding not withstanding.  
That hadn't been sanctioned, and Cologne had been less than impressed with Shampoo over that.

Shaking her head Ranma brought her attention back to her opponent, for once, a weapon in hand, and  
got ready to attack. This was a death match, one she had no problems with in this instance. She didn't  
lose, and her opponent would know it's folly for challenging that fact! The attack commenced, her  
enemy falling before her vicious onslaught, spoon flashing, the triple scoop ice cream fudge sundae  
met it's grisly predestined demise.

And the cows wept bitter tears.

Savouring her tasty victory, she left the ice cream parlor and leisurely headed to the nearest park.  
Practice waited for no man, and it wouldn't do itself. He needed to do speed training for his girl side  
anyway. It also wasn't exactly mentally challenging, he could pretty much do it on auto pilot.  
That left a lot of time to think and contemplate. Things like new moves, old moves, the rivals, the  
fiancees, and nachos. Yep nachos were definitely in order for lunch tomorrow.

His mother had been at that idiotic failed wedding. She'd very nearly been hurt and he hadn't been  
pleased. The other fiancees found that while not violent, he could indeed hold a grudge. The rivals, now  
that was different. His rivals had once again attacked him a few days later, and he had demonstrated his  
unhappiness, complete with running commentary on why he was displeased with their conduct, as he beat  
them into unconsciousness. A little excessive, but it was his mother. So the screws upstairs weren't as  
torqued down as they should be, she was still his mom. Before the training trip it was her that sang him  
to sleep, and treated skinned knees and the like. He loved her. The rivals now knew NOT to aim attacks  
in her general direction, though it took some waxing poetic for Kuno to get it. He felt so dirty after  
that.

Shampoo was still trying for him, but now it was on her own. At least she stopped landing on him with  
that damned bike. Of course that may have been due to him throwing sticks into the spokes as she rode  
off afterwards. It was a prick thing to do, but using him as a landing strip wasn't exactly nice either,  
and he'd been mad at the time. Negative reinforcment is a wonderful thing.

Ukyo still tried, but seemed to understand he honestly needed a friend more than a fiancee, it was  
more an honor thing with her now. She needed to be seen trying at least. He was a fair cook, but it  
wasn't his end all and be all, and never would be. Most of her fantasies featured a happy couple, running  
the restaurant and such, and it just wasn't him. If you have to change someone to love them, then you  
don't love them, you love the dream. She wasn't happy about it, but she understood it.

Akane, what could he say about the tomboy. Yeah he loved her, he could admit it in the quiet of his  
mind. Where no stupid idiot panda, or human fountain could hear. He was pretty sure she loved him too,  
somewhere in the back of her mind. Sounds simple, but it wasn't. Regardless of love, he was honestly  
pretty sure that he didn't LIKE her, and that the reverse was true too.

Sure she was cute, but she was usually angry, kinda bitchy and rather spoiled. No one was perfect, he was  
crass, uneducated, and arrogant as all hell, and he knew it. They were both bullheaded, but he was never  
allowed to let it impede his learning of the art. Trying that when he was younger led to beatings from the  
fat man. The method sucked, but he learned to take advice. Mr. Tendo had been to soft to teach her the same.

They rubbed each other the wrong way, and anyone with two brain cells to rub together knew a marriage  
just wasn't going to work. Without the whole fiancee thing, they probably could at least be friends.  
As it was at the moment, they were working towards pleasant acquaintances.

The Kunos were still crazy as all hell, but everyone knows crazy people don't count.

Ranma's musings were cut short as the the clearing she was practicing in was filled with a pink sparkling  
mist. Her vision going black, the last thing she saw was a floating clawed thing, in a gold mask and a robe  
that oddly looked a lot like a bed sheet. Sleeping spells and chemicals make for strange final thoughts.

Oblivious to her less than flattering thoughts about his magnificent attire, Alhazad looked at his new  
test subject. He had sensed power and of course followed it to it's source. It was a short, busty, red head.  
A powerful red head. First Harken, now this young lady, he was starting to sense a pattern here. Harken, that  
thought gave him pause. Could he recreate that experiment in this new world, with new circumstances, and get  
a different outcome? Perhaps build on the old?

And ahh such power already! This would not be a normal disposable experiment, NO! Like Lady Harken, this  
girl would become one of his true masterpieces. A being with no master, more powerful then himself, and  
without peer! He would unleash her upon this new world, and watch from afar what she made of the new life  
he would give her. Would she conquer, protect, or destroy? Would she be indifferent, seeking a normal  
human life? Or search out honourable battle like her predecessor? The possible outcomes were varied,  
perhaps he should repeat this experiment on a myriad of different worlds to see them all first hand.

With these thoughts, Alhazad and an unconscious red haired girl faded from the park.  


* * *


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

  
Fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads, fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, yum!  
The song was playing through Alhazad's mind as he examined his new test subject, and it was annoying  
the hell out of him. Despite that, he was ecstatic. Bio-energy pathways traced through the subject, and  
the reserves that powered them were impressive. He'd never seen a human that used bio-energy before, so  
the readings he got from the girl, or rather boy, was shiny and new! That was the other thing that had  
him so excited. There was active transmogrification magic in them thar hills!! It would have to be  
brought under control though.

It had been a week since he'd acquired his new toy, and the experiments could start soon. He'd  
downloaded this 'Ranma's' memories and sifted through them. That had taken longer then he'd anticipated.  
Most people have boring pathetic little lives and you could skip over most of it in such a scan. This  
boy however had a life that was as hectic as it was chaotic. It had been very fun to watch.

The other Quarter Knights, never appreciated the sheer complexity in creating Lady Harken. A being with  
all the abilities of the original human backed by a demon's power. The mind of a demon in a human body,  
and yet not a case of possession or suppression. He had taken her mind and re-engineered the entire thing,  
memories, instincts and all to a demonic template. Not to mention splicing in sections a human doesn't  
even have to make the new configuration work smoothly. Compiling and debugging a working sentient neural  
map had been pure unadulterated ass.

This new project was going to be even worse. The boy's dual forms had sparked a stray thought, that  
although difficult, he just couldn't let go. A mind best suited to each form! He wanted to merge the  
neural patterns of both Harken and Boomerang with the boy. Those minds were best complimentary to Ranma's.  
The female form was faster and Harkens abilities would suit it nicely. The male form was stronger, and  
Boomerang's skills would make it unstoppable. All three enjoyed battle, and hopefully this would bring  
the boy's forgiving qualities down to a more realistic level.

He also wanted to run a secondary experiment to compliment this one. That 'neko-ken' gave him an excellent  
base personality for it. Waste not want not, simply deleting it would have been a shame, transplanting it  
was far more productive. The readings on Lucied's energy pattern had been simple curiosity, now, he was  
going to make an artificial Guardian with it! Add in the neko-ken mental patterns and you have a ready made  
partner for Ranma. Just as well, Boomerang had been used to fighting with Lucied by his side.

Of course, all this mental tampering could drive the lad stone cold bat shit crazy, but that was the  
whole point of experimentation. You couldn't do something right without knowing where you could go wrong.  
Or rather, you COULD, but the chances were slim that you would.

There were other things he wanted to try too, but he couldn't cram everything into one lab test. Body  
modification might throw the mental balances off, and he didn't even have working nanomachines yet.  
Sci-fi was a wonderful thing, gave him all sorts of nifty ideas. He really wanted to build a working Borg.

He'd spent ten years in this dimension. Teleportation on a world with so little magic made stealin  
shit easy. Sure he'd done a few low grade experiments to keep his skills up, but most of the time was spent  
on researching new ideas. Filgaia had never been as populous as Earth and had magic mixed in with technology.  
Earth technology was solely based on mechanics, and the larger population meant there was a larger market for  
entertainment. Television was a wellspring of ideas if you had the know how to bring the fantasy into reality.  
The internet was even better, you could look up anything you wanted in detail, it was L33t! ...not to mention  
his six GB pr0n collection... don't look like that! He had needs too!!!

Video games gave him ideas as well. Unfortunately he'd had to build a playstation controller from scratch to  
fit his claws, but it was worth it. That Deus thing from Xenogears made him all kinds of happy. Although he  
wouldn't do that here, it'd mess with his current guinea pig.

Maybe he should build it and let it loose in that dimension with the creepy singing bears.  
Those "Care Bears" had scared the shit out of him, and it wasn't because he was a demon.

Ah well, back to work!

* * *


End file.
